Sick

My family has been dysfunctional for as long as I can remember.  My mom was physically abusive and was/is emotionally abusive.  My dad was/is both an enabler and a participant.

Lately, mom has gotten worse, such as telling me that "of course" the family was not going to celebrate my birthday this year, hanging up on me when I was sick and calling her from the E.R., etc. 

The latest thing was when she lied to my dad and made him think that I skipped my weekly visit yesterday without notice.  I emailed her twice to let her know that I would skip my Sunday visit because I would be seeing them on Wednesday, driving them to my dad's chemo treatment.  And, yes, she has been using dad's cancer in her sick mind games, too.

As was often the case, she ignored my emails; but this time she claimed she never got my emails because I sent them to the wrong account, one which she had canceled "a year ago."  I got a lecture over the phone when I called this morning.  The call was mostly full of passive aggressive stuff about what a bad daughter I was.  She told me that my dad was worried and upset and asked her late last night (11 PM) why I did not visit, and that she did not know what to tell him.

What she did not realize was that I was the one who set up that account for her years ago and I still remembered the password.  I knew my mom lied frequently and I was suspicious also because she said some things that contradicted each other.  So, after our phone conversation, I logged into her allegedly canceled account and saw that not only had she used that account as recently as Saturday, but that she had actually read my first email to her.  (Read emails were in regular, rather than bold, font.)

In other words, she knew I would not be visiting on Sunday.  She did not simply not tell dad.  She did not simply lie to him and let him think that I was callous.  She was so twisted that she complained and scolded me for not visiting and for not telling anybody I was not going to visit.

For decades, she would badmouth me and sometimes my other sisters (all her flesh and blood) to my dad, making him think that we were ungrateful daughters that didn't care.  We (the daughters) had no recourse because dad usually chose to believe mom, and defended her even when it was clear that mom was in the wrong.  Even worse, dad would tell mom and then mom would get even nastier.

My dad is 80.  He has liver cancer now and has been in poor health for years (multiple heart attacks, triple bypass, high blood pressure, diabetes, hepatitis, etc.).  He is also now easily confused and often emotional and irrational because of his age.  It hurts me when he thinks I don't care about him.  Even knowing how evil and twisted my mom is, it hurts me when I see her hurting my dad as a way to hurt me.

First Post

I grew up in a very dysfunctional family, and suffered mostly from emotional abuse (though there was certainly physical abuse, too).  My parents are still alive and the abuse continues.  I have contemplated killing myself many times, but stopped short each time mainly because I could not bear the thought of what my suicide would do to my oldest sister.  I yearn to break the cycle.  I yearn to gain the emotional strength and maturity to fight for my happiness, for my life.

I am learning.